tumble out of bed

thegreatdamfino:

It’s best to start off with three balls. Four is recklessness, and two is impressing nobody. To obtain the balls, take a trip to the dispensary - best to order spares, lest your first failures are so spectacular that the balls themselves vacate your menace. If you can’t afford to buy, scrump some decent-sized apples. But remember, a glutton makes a good juggler not. Put two balls in your strongest hand, and one in your second-strongest. Keep your forearms level, palms facing upward, your hands about as far apart as the distance between your two hips. If you haven’t run into any problems yet, don’t get too pleased with yourself, as we haven’t started juggling yet. Throw one of the balls from your strongest hand to your other hand, but in a roundabout way that may feel counter-intuitive, as it is not economical. This is normal. You will aim to achieve an arch motion from your one hand to the other, with the peak of the arch being just in front of your face. If the ball makes contact with your face, however, you have made an error. Re-read the instructions and try again. Once the first ball is aloft, throw the second in a similar fashion, though if you are prone to mathematical precision here you may have to abandon your instincts, as otherwise the two balls will collide on their perfect trajectories. When the second ball reaches the peak of its arch, release the third from your first hand and send it to the air to join the rest. Now, do you remember the first ball you threw? Well, look out because here it comes again, down to your second hand. Catch it, or all is lost. It might seem like the whole process has become suddenly more difficult - this is because you have not yet learned how to juggle. But keep your chin up and you’ll get there in the end. If you did catch the first ball, well done. This is no time for congratulations, though, there’s work to be done. Catch the second ball in the same manner, and at roughly the same time throw the first ball into the air again. To those who would cry “But that’s the ball I just a moment ago caught in this very same hand!” - such is the nature of juggling, I’m afraid. It is a tragic and morose occupation, with little to recommend itself save the certain novelty for party guests. As a result, though, the juggler is pressed to either be constantly changing his tricks or forever changing his friends. To you, who have chosen to join the ranks of this quietly tormented flock, I can only wish the best of luck.